The Journey Continues

Ever since completing the Camino de Santiago in 2004, I have always considered the possibility of returning as a solo pilgrim. There are many who believe that walking alone is the only real way to truly experience the Camino.



Eight years after completing the Camino for the first time, I find myself once again in Spain. Here is this backpack—heavier than what it should be, I’m sure—and these boots that clop far too loud. I have a metal bottle I won as part of a door prize five days before leaving the United States and a sleeping bag that will protect me from much colder temperatures than I will ever experience in July or August. I have with me the same two shirts I wore the first time I hiked, with the addition of a t-shirt that reads, “I’ve got mad Ninja skills” (a present from my Aikido instructor). I also have this digital recorder and this seashell and a badly bent cane. Could I be anything other than an American on the Camino de Santiago? Unlikely. I also have this idea:



It has always bothered me that I have never come to terms fully with the way people react to my blindness. Eight years ago, I was aggressive in my refusal of assistance when crossing the road. Five years ago I just swore in foreign languages at people who I thought were “overly helpful” as I walked the streets of Japan. Now I confine most comments to my inner dialogue. But the inner discomfort still remains. What makes me uncomfortable? There is no such thing as a clear answer when asking questions of the complex machinery that is our mind. Some days you are tired and things rub you raw. Other days you are feeling low and the wrong word at the wrong time can bring you lower. When I look at the heart of the matter, however, I know that I am uncomfortable with both the need to depend upon other people and the way these people will then view me. Weakness… a fear of weakness…




Here's looking fear in the face




I am undertaking a personal, and social, experiment. I am going to walk the Camino de Santiago alone. A blind pilgrim walking alone. The idea is to arrive to St. Jean Pied de Port at the frontier between France and Spain and explain to the other pilgrims my situation: I need help. In order to overcome my fear of dependence, I am forcing myself to depend upon complete strangers. There is no way I could possibly follow the yellow arrows painted on walls, trees and signs without a guide. I therefore intend to ask for guides along the 700+ kilometers from France to Santiago de Compostela.

I do not believe that finding guides will be a problem. In fact, I worry more about liking my guides too much to seek out new ones each day. The challenge will also be in keeping patient and understanding with people who may doubt my ability to hike. This is, after all, a personal challenge.



I hope to maintain the blog during the approximately 35 days of the Camino. I will not, however, sacrifice time I could be spending with other pilgrims to update the blog. So posts might end up coming in three day increments. I had hoped to begin the Camino with some question in mind… something important to ask each fellow pilgrim. Though I have one or two ideas, I think I will let circumstances dictate both the direction of the blog and of my thoughts. You follow the Camino, after all, the Camino doesn’t follow you.


I should be beginning the Camino on Wednesday, July 18th. This is assuming that I catch every train and bus between Malaga and San Jean.
Five days and counting!